yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
