do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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