My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
