My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
