He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How external is "for external use only"?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
