; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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