i just had sex bonerless
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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