Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
