I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He has the fingertips of a God
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
