barbara walters just said penis...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
