im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
