just tell him i said nine months
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
