i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
