she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
