Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
