Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just high enough for therapy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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