the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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