Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
