So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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