speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
