If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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