he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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