This girl is more easily done than said...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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