I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
