good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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