we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's shark week go big or go home
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
