could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
