He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
