Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
