I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
