I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
