remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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