If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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