You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
