oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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