it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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