Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
