Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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