Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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