I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
