:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
