Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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