If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
