Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
