A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
