I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
