I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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