Welp...herpes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
