Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
