TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
