Dual....:-)
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
