I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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