here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
