she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
