I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
