So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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